


Angels don't cry

by Yifera



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Episode: s13e21 Beat the Devil, Gen, Season/Series 13, rated M for violence, this is just a bunch of feels I'm so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-07 03:19:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14662224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yifera/pseuds/Yifera
Summary: “Sam?”The sight in front of him shook Castiel to the bone, a chill as cold as Lucifer’s grace spreading through his veins to his very core when there was no answer. The light of the fallen flashlight framed Sam’s face almost too perfectly, highlighting his unmoving figure and the complete mess of shredded flesh that was his neck.Set on 13x21 "Beat the Devil"





	Angels don't cry

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to write Cas' POV after what happened on 13x21. It's not like I disliked the episode, I just feel that the scene in the cave happened too fast and barely stopped on Cas having to face Sam's death.

It had been relatively quiet for the last couple of minutes, but no person in the group was foolish enough to let down their guards yet. It wasn’t like their path through the dark rot-smelling tunnel had been extremely stealthy, and as sharp as vampire noses went, Castiel had already guessed before they went in that everything would turn into a gruesome fight sooner or later.

But when they stopped to take out the rocks blocking their way and a horde of creatures came out of the dark without either him or Gabriel taking notice, Castiel realized with a downing terrified feeling that they had underestimated this place. These vampires were nothing like the ones back in their dimension, they were quick and savage and held no apparent care about whether their reckless arbitrary attacks would get them killed. In a matter of seconds everything turned into a nasty brutal cacophony of screams, shots and snapping of teeth. Castiel had only experienced this level of raw ferocity in Purgatory, and there at least he had had room to move.

On the blink of an eye he found himself pinned by two creatures against the wall of rocks, their bodies blocking his view of the rest of the group, only vaguely lightened by the dancing halos of their flashlights and the hole in the ceiling. Castiel threw the rock he had been holding into one vampire’s head, quickly getting behind the other and using his blade to give an end to its monstrous life.

He had no time for this, Castiel thought as he spun to dodge the other creature cornering him, he had to be quick and get back to the center of the room, he could hear the scream of the girl they had just met on the road, crying for her teammate. Sam and Dean could be in danger too.

But everything was happening way too fast.

Suddenly a familiar cry resonated through the closed space, followed closely by the distressed scream of Dean calling out for his brother... No, no, it couldn’t be. The creature before Castiel went flying to one side as he charged against it with all the force he had, the body crashed into the stony wall with a disgusting smash but Castiel didn’t spare it a glance. He got to the middle of the room just in time to see a figure disappear down a tunnel, a flashlight lighting the far end of it for a moment before it turned pitch black again. Castiel only needed a glance around the room to know who had been taken.

“Sam!”

Castiel was already down the tunnel before he could even think about it, he found himself standing momentarily disorientated in a crossroad of tunnels... but right there, he could see Sam’s flashlight on the ground at the end of the path in front of him. He acted fast, throwing and slashing at the monsters on top of Sam. The adrenaline pumped blood into his ears as he fought, but his angelic senses still picked up something in the air. These vampires presence wasn’t something easily detectable to him... individually. But whatever he was sensing weren’t two or three of them: an immense amount of those creatures were coming their way. They could be there in a matter of seconds.

As Castiel ripped off the last one of the creatures’ head he quickly knelt into the ground in front of Sam. They had to get out of there now, he had to heal Sam fast and-

“Sam?”

The sight in front of him shook Castiel to the bone, a chill as cold as Lucifer’s grace spreading through his veins to his very core when there was no answer. The light of the fallen flashlight framed Sam’s face almost too perfectly, highlighting his unmoving figure and the complete mess of shredded flesh that was his neck.

“Sam!” He said, louder, a note of terror making his voice falter as he reached to turn the man’s head into his hands.

His eyes were open, unfocused, turned unblinking to the ceiling...

“No, wait, wait, I can still save you... I can still...” Castiel’s hand shook violently when he reached to lay it on Sam’s forehead.

But his grace went cleanly through the body in front of him, like water running through a broken vase, and Castiel knew.

He was too late.

Castiel's body moved without his consent, the rational part of him mind taking over. He had a mission, he had to go back. There were more vampires coming  and he had to take care of the rest, there was nothing he could do anymore... All this thoughts fueled his steps in an almost military precision, taking him back through the path he had came from. But the rest of his being screamed in agony, his heart still set on the small room and the person he was leaving behind, his friend, his brother, his...

Dean was in front of him, eyes wild and urgent, and Castiel knew he had to stop him from advancing any further.

“Dean, Dean...”

His voice came out small, choked. Castiel swallowed and his mouth tasted like blood and dust... he had to be strong, he couldn’t let Dean go in there, he couldn’t let him see Sam’s body, Castiel knew that if he let him... Dean would stay. He would forget about their mission to find Mary and Jack for long enough to be completely surrounded by monsters, and then staying with Sam would stop being a choice. And Castiel couldn’t let him do that, he couldn’t watch him waste his life if he could stop him... Castiel owned Sam that.

“He’s gone.” He couldn’t even say it properly.

“No!”

Castiel grabbed Dean before he could launch himself into the dark path he had just come from. “Dean! We don’t have time!” He dug his nails into the fabric of Dean’s clothes and used his far superior strength to keep him in place. “We can’t save him.”

But maybe they could save the young girl looking about to collapse into tears besides Gabriel, maybe they could reach Mary and Jack and get them out of there, maybe they could save more people... Castiel tried with all his might to convey all of this in his tone, and he was sure Dean understood better than anyone, but when his panicked eyes found his own... Castiel had to avert his gaze.

He couldn’t, he couldn’t face the agony in Dean’s open expression, at the disbelief, the horror, the loss in it...

It was like looking at his own heart.

 

Angels don’t cry.

 

_Sam walked a few feet behind him, the distance not enough for Castiel’s ears to not pick up the conversation with Dean._

_“You seem different since we got here.”_

_“Really?”_

_“Yeah, like you’re lighter, happier, more energetic.”_

_Castiel turned to look back at Sam, his face was tilted towards Dean, his steps secure and decided... and Castiel knew exactly what Dean meant._

_“We are close. Can’t you feel it?” A genuine, happy smile lightened Sam’s features as he said it._

_It was one of the rare ones this smile, it made Castiel wonder of other times, when Sam had held onto faith and hope more often than not, even when it was crushed over and over again, did he smile like this everyday back then? Castiel felt a wave of fondness wash over him and couldn’t help but smile himself, and upon seeing that light shining anew on Sam’s eyes Castiel thought... maybe they could, maybe, against all odds, they would make it this time. He pictured Jack and Mary besides the two brothers, Heaven fixed with Gabriel’s help, Lucifer gone..._

_Yes, maybe this time, fate would let them finally be together._

 

A man walked at an unyielding pace through an unknown gray world, not turning around, not saying a word or sparing a glance to the remains of his bloodied and tired group...

An angel, just as silent, walked at the tail of the group as he stared and stared at the empty space beside the man, where only a few hours back another man had smiled with blinding hope for the first time in years.

This angel, true to the rest of his kind, wasn’t crying. But only because his eyes had dried out several miles ago.

**Author's Note:**

> Me and my masochist ass seeing a heartbreaking scene: No... this is not heartbreaking enough... I shall fix this.
> 
> This was a very small thing but your comments and thoughts are as welcome as ever!


End file.
